11 Miseries [Some Nights]

Before what ever..lemme just recall what I did..

I completed my MUET test..the ultimate condition they gave us: "factor for one to succeed in life" something like that...

And I got a point,which is - the need for being happy...

very true..I look at the paper,and think,..why havent' I thought about this before?

I just couldnt' agree more with the statement...

so right that moment..my ideas flow like Niagara Falls...all related with the facts that we DO need the feel of being happy in order to become a successful person..[how cliche is that?]

THIS COULDNT GET ANY MORE BORING

ehem..it is sure..that there had been some exposures going on around me..some stuffs that stamped my confidence as a not-so-active blogger..these 'exposure' involves stalking le me others friends blogs,,,how they manage it and I compared it,,..to..mine...??*speechless

bla blah blah

I had just gone through my longest fever-tortured days..all eleven days of them I've gone through with coldness of rain and scorching heat of the SUN...

these days full of...of...(kepala pening jap...takleh nak fikir jap)-->heading for medication

Gone With The Wind

September lullaby （ ´_｀）

Dark the stars and dark the moon.
Hush the night and the morning loon.
Tell the horses and beat on your drum.
Gone their master, gone their son.
...
Dark the oceans dark the sky.
Hush the whales and the ocean tide.
Tell the soldiers and beat on your drum
Gone their master gone their son.
...
Dark to light and light to dark.
Three black carriages, three white carts.
What brings us together is what pulls us apart.
Gone our brother gone our heart.
...
Hush the whales and the ocean tide.
Tell the soldiers and beat on your drum.
Gone their master, gone their son.


*(moment of silence)

Indulgence

birthday

September 7th 1994

1st Rabiulakhir 1415

Wednesday

7:49 pm

Maghreb

Ramadhan

Maroon & Dark Golden

Not Suppose

And I smile..la la la... - Random Awesome (i dont noe what is up with me)

Maseh sendiri, 

Dalam runag serba luas ini, 

Tanpa belaian suara makhluk lain...

Hanya belaian suara jantung bergetar...

Dan nyanyian riang di luar sana

Semua kerna waktu,

Mahu mengisinya, mahu mengembalikanya, mahu diberhentikan

Apakan daya diriku manusia biasa,

Sebiasa-biasa aku, ada yang lagi luar biasa,

Puasa sebulannya dipanjangkan seumur hidup,

Buka dan sahurnya tidak pernah ada,

Rezeki ku di bumi Allah SWT melimpah ruah banyaknya,

Fikiran aku cuba sentiasa mengingat,

Bahawa hidup ini,jaraknya singkat,

Tak usah hiraukan,..tak usah pedulikan, 

Biarlah sendiri mana pun aku,

Yang di atas sana maseh menemani,

Sedihku ini tak ada erti, 

Jika kaulah sandaran hati...

Sejauh mana dunia mengeji,

Sejauh mana mereka bertepi,

Bertambah dekat jarakku dan Dia, 

Hatta, aku endahkan saja,

Sehingga aku mampu, sehingga aku sanggup,

Maka selamalah aku hidup,

Sudah aku katakan,

Berkali-kali disuarakan,

Diiring ahli mahupun teman,

Keranda mu diusung pelan,

Mencari nasib di akhir zaman,

Berhenti jari puas berdiri, 

Menulis takdir tak pernah henti,

Fadhilat hidup tak akan ku sangsi, 

Cerita diri berbunyi begini ;~

Letto - Sandaran Hati

     

Classic Mistakes

1st Ramadhan 1433 ~
...one date that I felt major sadness and I felt homey..(I miss it so much)...the pitiful of realization of what I've had become throughout life,..I see more clearly now that 'the silence of the lamb' is present...my water-thoughts flow more peacefully...calmly,I know now...really know well..

-- people changed..like E=mc2 (complicated) --

the sadness trap the heart with its firm grip..how I wonder why this is my beginning..that I know this is the best journey of all time...there's only some sad THINGS happen but the FEELING that comes after,..it came more powerful...not bad...not a bad sign at all..

~!@#$%^&*()_+...+_)(*&^%$#@!~

people feel sad..all the time..it is the most common essence that I hope I'm not the one of the commoners,..felt the normal feeling over n' over again...not cool..(c'mon!I'm a vintage freak!)...

about being able to see things clearly..what I mean by it is that,I knew the ways to avoid what's other people are doing wrong...those kind of plans help me get through existence more accordingly,..but the best of all,living personage more harmoniously...

_______      Masochist Vendetta borders`    _______

what do you want n' wadya need?..see?that's a question...every homo sapien heard that one before,..but how many cared?

what do humans lived for?...my mind says..it's not something I find it worth fighting for,...maybe just because of my jealousy and ego conquer the mind while I'm writing this..but most of all,..my still-rational part thought,..majority creatures are still blind,..with the brightness of earth's fake light...however..where do I stand..am not one of em'?maybe,..maybe not...

-- I'M FREAKING FREAK THAN MOST OF YA GUYS,GOT THAT?  --

so yeah~..now in Ramadhan...I can do stuffs,..in other words,..lots of stuffs could be done n'

SKY'S THE LIMIT

********************************************************************************************

p/s; sudah cukup sudah....cukup sampai d'sini saja...

another p/s; just found out that my Islamic birth date is the 1st of Rabbiulakhir 1415...on WEDNESDAY-!

Yesterday

Friends was such an easy thing to play...and I'll always here to hide all it..so I believe,.in yesterday ...

was the 1ST KULIAH 10 OUTING...as in the 57th best outing I've ever had in my entire life of friendship~
-how bout' dat huh?-

ya noe how I've lived almost my entire childhood in a deserted town..[still,Rantau is awesome in other ways]..

how I studied in a school full of my own genus?...[Gurls still rule this world~]

so...it's kinda first experience for my go out..to Mines,this mall near to UPM,..with my other kuliah mates~..

=how the family bonds really that fucking strong!=

just imagine thart we walked together to mines...went home together back to college..

dear kuliah mates..if you're reading this..you just can't imagine..the feeling of never went for an outing with that many friends..GUYS n gurls..

analysis: outing with guys was..*speechless...they're kinda awesome...in some ways...you need to be me to understand this kind of situation..hmm??

p/s: it was fucking RELIEVING FUN!!

Ager Cultura

Test II was...well..was...hurmm....i dunnoe...

ATTENTION TO ALL MY BUDDIES OF UPM~WASSUP??Y(^-^)Y

what? - AsPer batch 8 2012/13 Test II -normal tract-

when? - July 16th till July 30th 2012

when...as in time? - 8 till 9:30 pm ('awesome')

what again? - agriculture

ranking - ****

After the clock strike exactly 9 o'clock sharp...i looked at zue,..and giggles..

me : weyh!*motioning towards prof zack..lets sent it together!

zue : lip sync 'i got no answers!'

me : just let it be lah weyh!!

~  silents creeps back  ~

then..*LOL..we sang this freaky song out loud..because of the TENSION was so unbearable maybe~hehe

'Gotyre-Somebody That I Used To Know'

we just sing..n sing...n sing...until we(especially me) lose my voice chord somewhere on the road,,...it was memorable,n i hope we'll continue doing it...no stopping...cuz at that particular moment..I knew our friendship had no end...at that moment..TuT!


- CHECK THIS OUT -

CLIMAX was...since the bus was no where to be seen after we waited like..for eternity..

I saw bunch of these guys...like parading.,planning to WALK back to college...for the sake of experience..zue literally drag me,following them...

~ through the dark...

~ with these teenager's voice talking..

~ walking with fear...

~ beside 'haunted' building of the first abandoned college...

it was...it was...

AWESOME!!...

then..it mostly talking...with sweet gurl Aqilah~talk bout HE WHO MUST NOT BE NAMED..that's the most of it..enjoying sisterhood...

p/s:-'fish' the english before..damn it!:p

What Ifs

synopsis; Imagination took me to some place,..where I could no longer deal with boredom and insanity of life...

but still,..the place taught me few things of true meaning of life...

I ain't got no black beauty,.. a journal where I could place all my memories shared with these few lucky homo sapiens...at one time,..I mean this time,..the memories inside me burst throughout the imaginary space..colourful,much colourful than rainbow itself...filled through my tears...that very first day I cried,..when I left home..~

(this is just the beginning...I'm warning ya this is quite a long post...appreciate your time..go outside n' play my sweethearts..)

Since in college...

I'm too suck...suck-in for this life, i dont know what's happening to human fake life, what they're living for...popularity? I maybe no longer care, cuz in college, i learn some true meaning of life..n in the same time, i got away from fantasy that human thought they live in...so what now?..am i still part of them?--these questions are too abstract,..only thioughts of true vendetta would understand..~my apology

This is what actually happen...dear Malaysian that my Lord, Allah s.w.t. cared for,..

- Putra Univ Malaysian -

it'a a surprise..surprise to surpass all those intelligent-rians outside there to took their place here in UPM..the grateful overwhelmed that first moment I knew my place..here in this magnificent institute..

general knowledge people..we all knew it's friggin' important knowledges are..especially at this kind of century... you guys don't know how i hard me,..especially my beloved family to seek chance like this..it's linked to a case where i'm not fit to get a bumiputera specialities,..how dare them!(the governmet..*huuu)

thus..the hardships were undeniable..but lets not write about those silly silly things shall we..?

but here are the deeds that i'm too fuckin' lazy to elaborate...

Venue : Putra University Malaysia

Course : Foundation in Agricultural Science

 Date - 7th May 2012 till 2013 'graduate'

Orientation : wanted to become MTM (Student Senate Comm.)..soon~

Subjects : mostlly science but there's extra one sub that gempak giler

That Extra One : Agriculture...in short,what i thought about plants before this...about being a farmers..it changed..from (-) to (+)

Seniors : Irrelevant

Lecturer : Not Bad

Lecture mate : Awesome =family bond working=

Room : Satisfied..homey

Room mate : Fantastic [asyiqa-nasyid,nadiah-P.Y.T.,tijad-blurry eyes,syafiq-saba ba,famy-3rd dimensional]

Food : TxT...mammmaaa!!nak tempoyak!!

Hygiene : rank-WTF!

Books : I could have 7 dozens of gempak starz comics by now..the price was excruciating

Fish Flats : true rendezvous indeed

Auxiliary : isntlifeawesome.blogspot.com

what else~?oh..pictures..haha!

(we call ourselves kuliah mates...10/10..score till the end...i miss dat)

p/s;- like i said..this is just the beginning...waiting starts now~

Awesomeness

who's the geek now huh?

No Card

A very predictable thing happened today..which would probably made to the Malaysian Guiness Book of Record...imagine that!

I actually cooked...a freaking dish called 'Gulai Pisang'

result : It turns out just as I imagined..

only the 'fire' was not in the lungs...it's in the stomach

I imagine...if the 'gulai' was edible..my mom would be very proud of me...but now..she's just...proud..only~
well..my intention of doing this cause my mom's B day..this mind is blank..
do not know what else to do for her...
and I just thought,,she cooked a lot for me,so..why not I too,cook at least one dish..just make her happy?
it was disastrous..*sigh
but the climax of today stories was...my mother had a sudden fever..
this knocked the breath out of me...how come?she was everything a mother could be...she don't fucking deserve any of this..-end of sad moment-
Year 2012...my mom had simple birthday celebration..just cakes(which mostly ate by me)..and one day MC from the doctor..took a chill pill on friday...
when I went outing with CEVD two days before...I bought a card just in case I couldn't come with something to cheer my mom up...but..just that..she had fever,took care of her..no words to write in that card,for a day my mom was born..day of heaven and miracle for me..~especially me...
my ink pen gone...I only thought of her pain..

p/s : so..no card this year

Mother Indeed

my mother ~ is a WONDERWOMAN...

 

just an illustration...not really my mom..{i noe u noe dat :p]

Being a good daughter was never my accomplished task I had on my to-do list...it's simple but complicated...
But seriously fella...what is so hard of being a loving children..PARENT had done so many we could never imagine...until,..of course when we become one ourself...[then you know lah weyh!how was it]
what mother had done today had really touched my heart...
but that's the point...she had done so many wonderful things for me - I lost count...-
today was one of it... 
me was fasting today...makruh fasting to be exact [cause I sleep A LOT]...I didn't do any home chores to day..at all..like ;-
#opening windows upstairs...[to allow 'rezqi' inside the house as she said]
#feed the cats..poor the thing meow meowing
#wash the dishes - f.y.i. my mom really hates that when there dirty dishes piled in the sink

so yeah..~I'm a terrible fast-er and daughter..
when Maghreb's near...I'd ready with dates in front of me...my mom called ----
mom : assalamulaykum..noain
me : yes..waalaykumsalam ma...
mom : what do you want for break-fast?
me : I don't know..just buy anything..not rice..no KFC or McD watsoever
mom : I don't what do you want to eat..really...I'm on my way to Jusco right now...just tell  me what do you want...
( 2 minutes of debating back and forth on what to eat...)
me : okay mom!just buy that..urmm....mac and cheese..*sigh
mom : there..not so hard right?ok then..bye

Not so hard?..I KNOW Secret Recipe is one the most expensive restaurant...I was considering my fast was 'makruh'(cause of the sleep thing)..and that I did not do any house chores..make me feel like...like a umm...oh yeah!...
A SCHMUCK ~ let me highlight that..
so..story ending..I got my mac and cheese..eat it with guilt feeling holing in my chest...and ate my medicine..
[cause I'm sick of myself]

C.E.V.D.

never wrote about them..since that particular post...so~this is me and my chickas at present~

hangout at Jusco a.k.a. Aeon(eewww..)

promoting the famous Malaysia fat cakes - Apollo 21

our gang mark...forever cool!

Pilgrim To Homeland

- so bright! -

Cat Outta The Bag

my cat Pikodi...gave birth to Munchie-girl and Tiger-boy

since their uncle Oreo was named after biscuit..I thought..why think any harder?

so dark~can't see eh..they have this slumber party INSIDE my freaking ROOM!

p/s : their birth place was behind my air-cond box..ya know~outside the house?it will sound like whoosh~whoosh~ if you ever turn on your air-cond

Exposed

THESE ARE 'CRAZY'

-it suppose to be in Masochistic Vendetta blog..but seriously?who cares..[i'll duplicate]-

You,me won't know what is crazy...which is what perhaps until The Judgement day..people may not read this but I'll take this freaking post as my virtual note for future-me

I rarely do any of my post perfectly unless I have the feeling to so...warning this is one of those posts...

I can't beat my within curiosity especially when internet's available...a lot had happened inside my 'imaginary world' a.k.a. mind...lately..because of scenes

When I'm boring,I surf the net~simple...but

me surfing the net this time had led me to different dimension - believe it or not

I HAVE DOUBTS EVERY DAMN MINUTE

Who am I anyway?who the heck are you?..are we actually people that God Almighty gave minds and hearts to use wisely..~forget 'wisely',,to actually use it? 

it is so fucking hard to live on this planet earth...you had competition 

.p/s : Picnik.com dead..R.I.P.

Twinkle Star

"Regret on what you did is more EXTRAVAGANT than regret on what you didn't"- me

Because we live just once...we're young just once,and my curious part always tell me(whisper in my head I guess)...

"Ain,think once,twice,thrice,fourice,five-rice before you do ONE thing" but I rarely listen because you know...the more I made mistakes,the more right I'm going to do in the future...of course,I need to see the suitability of that method for some the dilemma I'm facing...not all(like choosing a college to study,careful buddy!)

You can call that LIFE,including mine..is a mixed-up one...

different people...variety of food...numerous languages...oceans of emotions

I loved funky...different...stuffs..that's about me  

above are some bits of my photo essay(application to participate BRATs)..butt(hehe) before that..what the heck is BRATS?...some pain-in-the-ass kids is it?

*YEAH RIGHT GUYS*

it stands for 

Bright Roving Annoying TeenS

BRATs is one of the most special things The Star Publication (my future rival - since I'm future NSTP journalist)..*ahem,so this special things was held specially for my kind-TEENAGERs..as in we had our own platform in society...BRATs is a workshop Star did to train kids like me in being fantacular journalist a.k.a. 
an awesome person!
Yeah..it goes on with the photography technique..how to capture good photo and video,not to forget..D most important thing is standing in front of a camera..- aside social skills..Can ya imagine this..we actually had our own assignments (like grown-up had*hehe) for tourism place we're visited..
ok...first thing first..when I first walk inside this room full of youngster-like me *duh-..me was fucking nervous..I never realise I'm chosen like these guys but in the end,the low self-esteem gradually decrease (science much?) when I hang out with these guys..doing ice-breaking...having brunch,dinner and,..
it was FUN maximum power!-for that angle,that I mix up with my own kind
second thing second..those trips we had to some tourism place in Kuala Selangor 
(forgot to mention I was in BRATs K. Selangor 2012..juz f.y.i.)..and we walk and travel and explore 
and dig up some stuff for our articles and videos..
ya know how people talk about new things were found,learn new stuff about some place..but that was my 27% of the story..most of my story involved the AWKWARDNESS I felt through the journey..

OH~SHOOT!..bang bang!!!  

Pregnant Lady

It's been literally forever(or to be exact-2 years) for to me get my own nephew/niece...like from my sister's generation(I was about to write womb-...haha)..so this year,God willing,..July 2012..my sister will provide me and my family a new family member...a child(hoping, a boy) that will lighten the symphony of this family...
I can tell you guys now that...that future child would be so fucking lucky
to have mama as grandmother.,
papa as grandfather.,
brother sani as father..,
my sister as mother(abuden!)
as best of all..(y'all know what Imma gonna write..)
me as him/her AUNT ANNE...*cookoo

I'll make the baby my evil apprentice..mwahahahahaha

we all will love him a.k.a. like 'menatang minyak yang penuh' for him..cause..is't been a while and where would the family throw our big bucks?-(think about that-how arrogant am I)

p/s : joke aside..the kid is a fortune..we vow to treasure it with all our heart..like all family would do!(it's baby..what do ya expect?)

Driving Lesson

In Malaysia,car accident is the 2nd most likely thing to happen every single day...as in,the day would not be complete without some news from media about car accident..then when I heard the particular news,I would sighed,"Thank god,the world's still normal!",(how about that?)

Let me introduce to ya guys...Sir Rosly - me instructor for driving school

the 'moustache' would very much remind me of him-haha

1st of all is the ADRENALINE of working with the killing machine(car-duh!)...the inertia you felt when handled the clutch.gears and the steers!it follow our rule,,we set the game for this killing machine...

~ HOW COOL IS THAT! ~

2ndly would be the SPEED...of every inch involving car..for ex like the speed of you absorb the knowledges for the side-parking,climbing up hill(classic!) and this thing you need to do when ya encounter dead-end...got it?never mind..

3rd thing I remember the most is the TENSION ya felt...'yells' and 'critics' from ma instructor reaaallllyy...... challenge myself to get to the next level...I'm a girl,me gonna cry in no time for any 'insults' I get from him...but trust me,I no time too..it helps me to improve fucking a lot!

Last but so not totally the least...the ultimate TEST!!yeah..it was exactly the same as our Sir Rosly taught me all the time!it turns out every single thing came out from his mouth about driving a car came out useful for my test...and thank him for that...
I PASSED ~
ok...before end..forgot to mention about the convenience of the car meant for me.. of course I'm the new driver of the family..I'm just glad not being the most active parasite at home...

p/s : want me to scan my freaking license?nah...

Wishlist in E.coli

converse shoes

jansport's bag

the click* polaroid camera

coolest black guitar

vespa(chocolate!)

raybans' shade


Yeah...now I'm imagining  myself riding a vespa wearing  authentic shoes,it's sunny day,so the shades'  on,just came back from college with all the reference in the bag pack...on the way to have some gig-of-the-year with some friends,and I'm using a long way with gorgeous scene!-seriously?in what?..another 7 years?

in the appreciation on my fucking bez pal - Zue

Peanut Butter n Chocolate Cookie

" As plain as a Vanilla "  

 - Monsieur Rockette

The time when I thought..."now's almost bedtime...

step 1- grab a pyjamas 

step 2 - wear the pyjamas

step 3 - check my email

step 4 - eat cookie n drink some milk

and....muh buhneebah"

kinda thought,I would just drift to unconsciousness..

Cleopatra was a Cookie!

Power of Wishful Thinking

I'm not here...just a silhouette...with Frankenstein being my partner and all...to start this freaking new journey watsoever to new destination watsoever....thinking "this may be not a good year to restart,but hey...just GAMBATTE ne?"

I never realised what I got until I lay my eyes to those lowlifes...thinking every stinking...they compiled more hardships than nigahiga's video viewers...I mean what the heck...

everyday...I got a soft mattress below...they got hard-rock concrete...

I got chill yet comfortable wind from the air-cond... and they...chill yet DEATHLY strong blowing?

let me get this straight...

what the first WORD that !pops! from your mind when you see these?

DYING - yeah,the kid's dying to see what the world would look like from heaven...what would happen to the body of his when the fucking bird finished feasting on it...yeah..what do "I" care eh?

FUNDAMENTAL - as in FUN and MENTAL combined...perhaps for me define as  the fun you only have in the mind whereas you live in dump street covered with rats and stuffs,seeking food when the guard dogs asleep
yeah...I got food on my table when I want it on my table!

 p/s ; why hypocrites like we'all cared anyhoo?it's just some stupid nation isn't it?
they had tough year all through 2011...and about to start another one in 2012...we're celebrating em'!?