Apple of My Eye

Apple of My Eye
secrets kept
" And of mankind are some who take (for worship) others beside Allah as rivals (to Allah). They love them as they love Allah. But those who believe, love Allah more (than anything else). If only, those who do wrong could see, when they will see the torment, that all power belongs to Allah and that Allah is Severe in punishment "

Holy Quran, Al Baqarah:2

Saturday, July 20, 2013

2 Things

A New Day Art Print
Note to self: before reading any of these..view as someone from the future,,not past,not present..

Ramadhan, underneath the always clear sky, somehow Rantau Town quite often witness the Almighty's bless of rain, a simple peace offered to dry mouth..fasting~

" Ada dua pekara, sangat berbeza tetapi asalnya berduanya sama, punca dari hati yang merasai, punca dari akal yang berbuat. Yang mana satu lebih kuasanya antara yang lain, aku tak tahu, hanya Allah. Sejauh mana keduanya bisa merosakkan hati dan akal aku kerna terlampau sangat kesan terhadap tingkah laku diri aku muslimah biasa, hanya Dia yang mengadili..dalam hati aku, takkan berhenti satu frasa,. Aku fikir dan terus fikir, dalam mimpi dalam sedar, terus tanya satu frasa lebih dari menghantui, tetapi menjadi taboo buat diriku..mengapakah demikian..hanya satu jawapan termampau akal ku menjawab,.

"I DON'T KNOW!"
(itulah keindahan frasanya) "

how old school Art Print
So old, seeing it still living the cliche out of it~

" People are crazy and times are strange
I'm locked in tight, I'm out of range
I used to care, but things have changed "

- Saniboey

~to be continued...




Sunday, July 14, 2013

Noted Prior I

In motivating, or should I say, giving the 'brain freeze' to the brain as a wake up call,
is un-enough with just words, hearing or reading them,..
Unlike those inspirational people making inspirational talks and videos
(if we care to open a freaking YouTube every single day)
what makes you things you're the only in this world?

if a picture speaks 1000 words, what would a collage spoke of?

the answer lies when there is none of amazing reminders, remind you of what real situation like outside there, I bet if you're not to busying yourself with your own world, your own problem,
you'll understand well enough about REALLY, TRULY living this life, watching others from around your country, analysis their problem
It the same freaking story but it is just different characters,.
but the DIRECTOR is still you!
It's like ala ala SuckerPunch movie, where I seriously thought the hero was Babydoll, but it was not her, but it was SweetPea..

the point is~

I may not see myself clearly with all these 'muddy thoughts'
seeing the bright side blah blah just, thought about what about someone like me?
I am molded into an individual character of self-loathing...
I could not see the bright side all only if it is on fire (and that's bad thing)
All this crap of caring endless worthless thing puts me into coma of tranquility..
but easily,..all could end and begin with an adaption,.
some training on my part..

p/s : nevertheless, I could't wait for Ramadhan to have it's precise effects on me...cant wait~

Saturday, July 13, 2013

China Town

China Town Art Print
..or second text would be Emptiness
 I was thinking to put the title of "Emptiness" to the post & continue with definition of empty, and I realize, it just could not any emptier than that...
so I got China Town inspiration, expressing that sometime, a busy day will be grey sometimes..,
let alone that one dying 'white elephant'
I could not wrap my head around all these situation, I don't know how those people spending their summer with the routine all over again and again and again...
"What if our whole life is a dream,when we die, we wake up?" - Conspiratorial Keanu
How could this be happening to me?I must be one of the most lonely girl next door, living this thing with just pure of nothingness...
Ramadhan and some bits of love are the only things that keep me going in the next morning..
not even for the home I got..

AM I THAT MASOCHISTIC?

Interference from external forces, the sun, cats & sound of rain, those indigo scenes keep my thought of living another day.. and for some reason, while I'm writing these, I creased my forehead hard, it dented~
The Irony is that, those repeating activities (waking up, fasting, shower, reading, staring) makes up a whole different memories, I'll get sick of the memories will end up doing it involuntarily!
and more of the Irony, 'even the good song, you hear it over and over again, you'll feel your ears numbing' 

"Carpe Diem" - seize the day

p/s : "no matter how things turn out, make the best of them" quote simply not freaking enough!!

Saturday, July 6, 2013

Skin Deep Bore

Each one of us must have that one music,any type of song
giving what we thought a complete guide..
on how to LIVE THIS LIFE~
Seriously, we all heard about :-
when we're sad, we understand the lyrics, when we're happy, we'll enjoy the tune..
mine:-
Onion graphics
enjoying
Onion graphics
moody
 Speak Up by POP ETC &  Yamaha by Delta Spirit respectively

Surely, it must be some kind of myth, if we're deaf ( I rather I were~)
The point is, it makes you static, and got you thinking why everything is damn boring
I think a lot, a lot more than actually doing it..
especially, those freak time when in prayer, you're not khusyuk cuz why?
you think a lot,.besides the prayer itself..
Our body seems to provide more energy to the brain when we're motionless...
I would sleep like an hour after putting the head on the bed..
It's seriously annoying, noticing that mostly we thought about things not worth thinking of~
We care about people not worth care of,..
Doing deeds not worth doing..
making bad decisions..and what worse than that?
dying with sins not yet forgiven by Him...
(worst case scenario imaginable)

p/s: no other solution than fixing yourself with 'yourself'..got it?




Wednesday, June 26, 2013

Payback Time

Odd timing to think that all this luxurious time I have spend them worthlessly
(since I'm not in college,yet plus me not working at all)
There's isn't much things I've done for the past 2 months,..
Still the opportunities there, in another two months I'll be back to college (degree)..
In the mean time, those future two months I have,.
I wouldn't want it to filled with my schedule of the past months~

The Hierarchy:-
3rd May (is it?don't remember) : I starts longest of my holiday
till today 26th June : how long have I been wasting?yeah 1 month++

sigh onion head
THE WASTE!~

But we all got a month that save us from this blackest duty=wasting time..
RAMADHAN~
(it's not a choice to obey or to not obey below steps, it's responsibilities..how far we actually bury that deep in our,..piece of meat in the body?)

credits to Liyana Alya, a friend an akhwat would always proud of~


Tuesday, June 25, 2013

Hazel The Haze

Living in Malaysia, is every day prosperity,,
Some knew (the adults)
some dont (the kids)
and some pretend to forget (the penebang pokok balak a.k.a. mother's nature enemy)
but still, we cant do nothing bout it, can we?
I would like to insincerely invite an unwelcoming guest to my house, 
every single day when I open the windows..
Guest : The name's Hazel (she's the haze~ -_-)
Me : I hate you.
Guest : Oh really?! well, I on the other hand just LOVE to wander around your house, 
making you cough like hell and blur your view of the scene and all..it's just my fun hobby!
Me : .....

p/s : killing as in virtually..yeah,had a imaginary suicide that time.



Saturday, June 22, 2013

Episode 1 - Pilot

I know a fact, almost half of series program (like How i met Your Mother)..their first episode started with the title Pilot..wonder what that lead to?

SCUMBAG BRAIN TROLLING*

I got a theory..A Pilot,what I had in mind, some kind of macho suit. A guy with big vision, not just the clouds and mountain, it's what behind them as well..

I'm a pilot

I'm tired of always starting from the first step, trying to gain back what I've lost.
It got me thinking,. it was never about the past, the future
It was and always about what's happening NOW...
credits: Soothsayer from Kung Fu Panda 2
I'm tired of saying, I'm worst of everything just because I can't really stick to it..
I won't stick to book until it's finish, I just won't stick to a single job, complete em' to  perfection,
I am not that person.
(take this blog for example..)
How about I start to turn over a new leaf,. but it's much more than that than just words..
The effort I'm putting to be the kinda person we all suppose to be..
A better Pilot

Fly his plane of life to journey with the tank full of HOPE with passengers of family and friends..
So, how about kissin' goodbye to vain, and gain more self-respect..like I dunno~mother tongue maybe?

A heaven of journey (such hell of cliche)

p/s: I love you Nikita~

Monday, October 29, 2012

11 Miseries [Some Nights]


Before what ever..lemme just recall what I did..
I completed my MUET test..the ultimate condition they gave us: "factor for one to succeed in life" something like that...
And I got a point,which is - the need for being happy...
very true..I look at the paper,and think,..why havent' I thought about this before?
I just couldnt' agree more with the statement...
so right that moment..my ideas flow like Niagara Falls...all related with the facts that we DO need the feel of being happy in order to become a successful person..[how cliche is that?]

THIS COULDNT GET ANY MORE BORING

ehem..it is sure..that there had been some exposures going on around me..some stuffs that stamped my confidence as a not-so-active blogger..these 'exposure' involves stalking le me others friends blogs,,,how they manage it and I compared it,,..to..mine...??*speechless

bla blah blah
I had just gone through my longest fever-tortured days..all eleven days of them I've gone through with coldness of rain and scorching heat of the SUN...
these days full of...of...(kepala pening jap...takleh nak fikir jap)-->heading for medication


Tuesday, September 11, 2012

Gone With The Wind

September lullaby ( ´_`)



Dark the stars and dark the moon.
Hush the night and the morning loon.

Tell the horses and beat on your drum.

Gone their master, gone their son.

...
Dark the oceans dark the sky.
Hush the whales and the ocean tide.
Tell the soldiers and beat on your drum

Gone their master gone their son.
...
Dark to light and light to dark.
Three black carriages, three white carts.
What brings us together is what pulls us apart.
Gone our brother gone our heart.

...
Hush the whales and the ocean tide.
Tell the soldiers and beat on your dru
m
.
Gone their master, gone their son.



*(moment of silence)



Friday, September 7, 2012

Indulgence

birthday
September 7th 1994
1st Rabiulakhir 1415
Wednesday
7:49 pm
Maghreb
Ramadhan
Maroon & Dark Golden

Saturday, August 25, 2012

Not Suppose

And I smile..la la la... - Random Awesome (i dont noe what is up with me)

Maseh sendiri, 
Dalam runag serba luas ini, 
Tanpa belaian suara makhluk lain...
Hanya belaian suara jantung bergetar...
Dan nyanyian riang di luar sana
Semua kerna waktu,
Mahu mengisinya, mahu mengembalikanya, mahu diberhentikan
Apakan daya diriku manusia biasa,
Sebiasa-biasa aku, ada yang lagi luar biasa,
Puasa sebulannya dipanjangkan seumur hidup,
Buka dan sahurnya tidak pernah ada,
Rezeki ku di bumi Allah SWT melimpah ruah banyaknya,
Fikiran aku cuba sentiasa mengingat,
Bahawa hidup ini,jaraknya singkat,
Tak usah hiraukan,..tak usah pedulikan, 
Biarlah sendiri mana pun aku,
Yang di atas sana maseh menemani,
Sedihku ini tak ada erti, 
Jika kaulah sandaran hati...
Sejauh mana dunia mengeji,
Sejauh mana mereka bertepi,
Bertambah dekat jarakku dan Dia, 
Hatta, aku endahkan saja,
Sehingga aku mampu, sehingga aku sanggup,
Maka selamalah aku hidup,
Sudah aku katakan,
Berkali-kali disuarakan,
Diiring ahli mahupun teman,
Keranda mu diusung pelan,
Mencari nasib di akhir zaman,
Berhenti jari puas berdiri, 
Menulis takdir tak pernah henti,
Fadhilat hidup tak akan ku sangsi, 
Cerita diri berbunyi begini ;~

Letto - Sandaran Hati

     

Saturday, July 21, 2012

Classic Mistakes

1st Ramadhan 1433 ~
...one date that I felt major sadness and I felt homey..(I miss it so much)...the pitiful of realization of what I've had become throughout life,..I see more clearly now that 'the silence of the lamb' is present...my water-thoughts flow more peacefully...calmly,I know now...really know well..
-- people changed..like E=mc2 (complicated) --
the sadness trap the heart with its firm grip..how I wonder why this is my beginning..that I know this is the best journey of all time...there's only some sad THINGS happen but the FEELING that comes after,..it came more powerful...not bad...not a bad sign at all..
~!@#$%^&*()_+...+_)(*&^%$#@!~
people feel sad..all the time..it is the most common essence that I hope I'm not the one of the commoners,..felt the normal feeling over n' over again...not cool..(c'mon!I'm a vintage freak!)...
about being able to see things clearly..what I mean by it is that,I knew the ways to avoid what's other people are doing wrong...those kind of plans help me get through existence more accordingly,..but the best of all,living personage more harmoniously...

_______      Masochist Vendetta borders`    _______
what do you want n' wadya need?..see?that's a question...every homo sapien heard that one before,..but how many cared?
what do humans lived for?...my mind says..it's not something I find it worth fighting for,...maybe just because of my jealousy and ego conquer the mind while I'm writing this..but most of all,..my still-rational part thought,..majority creatures are still blind,..with the brightness of earth's fake light...however..where do I stand..am not one of em'?maybe,..maybe not...
-- I'M FREAKING FREAK THAN MOST OF YA GUYS,GOT THAT?  --
so yeah~..now in Ramadhan...I can do stuffs,..in other words,..lots of stuffs could be done n'
SKY'S THE LIMIT
********************************************************************************************
p/s; sudah cukup sudah....cukup sampai d'sini saja...
another p/s; just found out that my Islamic birth date is the 1st of Rabbiulakhir 1415...on WEDNESDAY-!


Friday, July 20, 2012

Yesterday

Friends was such an easy thing to play...and I'll always here to hide all it..so I believe,.in yesterday ...
was the 1ST KULIAH 10 OUTING...as in the 57th best outing I've ever had in my entire life of friendship~
-how bout' dat huh?-
ya noe how I've lived almost my entire childhood in a deserted town..[still,Rantau is awesome in other ways]..
how I studied in a school full of my own genus?...[Gurls still rule this world~]
so...it's kinda first experience for my go out..to Mines,this mall near to UPM,..with my other kuliah mates~..
=how the family bonds really that fucking strong!=
just imagine thart we walked together to mines...went home together back to college..
dear kuliah mates..if you're reading this..you just can't imagine..the feeling of never went for an outing with that many friends..GUYS n gurls..
analysis: outing with guys was..*speechless...they're kinda awesome...in some ways...you need to be me to understand this kind of situation..hmm??
p/s: it was fucking RELIEVING FUN!!

Monday, July 16, 2012

Ager Cultura

Test II was...well..was...hurmm....i dunnoe...
ATTENTION TO ALL MY BUDDIES OF UPM~WASSUP??Y(^-^)Y

what? - AsPer batch 8 2012/13 Test II -normal tract-
when? - July 16th till July 30th 2012
when...as in time? - 8 till 9:30 pm ('awesome')
what again? - agriculture
ranking - ****

After the clock strike exactly 9 o'clock sharp...i looked at zue,..and giggles..
me : weyh!*motioning towards prof zack..lets sent it together!
zue : lip sync 'i got no answers!'
me : just let it be lah weyh!!
~  silents creeps back  ~
then..*LOL..we sang this freaky song out loud..because of the TENSION was so unbearable maybe~hehe
'Gotyre-Somebody That I Used To Know'
we just sing..n sing...n sing...until we(especially me) lose my voice chord somewhere on the road,,...it was memorable,n i hope we'll continue doing it...no stopping...cuz at that particular moment..I knew our friendship had no end...at that moment..TuT!


- CHECK THIS OUT -

CLIMAX was...since the bus was no where to be seen after we waited like..for eternity..
I saw bunch of these guys...like parading.,planning to WALK back to college...for the sake of experience..zue literally drag me,following them...
~ through the dark...
~ with these teenager's voice talking..
~ walking with fear...
~ beside 'haunted' building of the first abandoned college...
it was...it was...
AWESOME!!...

then..it mostly talking...with sweet gurl Aqilah~talk bout HE WHO MUST NOT BE NAMED..that's the most of it..enjoying sisterhood...

p/s:-'fish' the english before..damn it!:p

Saturday, July 14, 2012

What Ifs

synopsis; Imagination took me to some place,..where I could no longer deal with boredom and insanity of life...
but still,..the place taught me few things of true meaning of life...
I ain't got no black beauty,.. a journal where I could place all my memories shared with these few lucky homo sapiens...at one time,..I mean this time,..the memories inside me burst throughout the imaginary space..colourful,much colourful than rainbow itself...filled through my tears...that very first day I cried,..when I left home..~
(this is just the beginning...I'm warning ya this is quite a long post...appreciate your time..go outside n' play my sweethearts..)

Since in college...
I'm too suck...suck-in for this life, i dont know what's happening to human fake life, what they're living for...popularity? I maybe no longer care, cuz in college, i learn some true meaning of life..n in the same time, i got away from fantasy that human thought they live in...so what now?..am i still part of them?--these questions are too abstract,..only thioughts of true vendetta would understand..~my apology

This is what actually happen...dear Malaysian that my Lord, Allah s.w.t. cared for,..

- Putra Univ Malaysian -

it'a a surprise..surprise to surpass all those intelligent-rians outside there to took their place here in UPM..the grateful overwhelmed that first moment I knew my place..here in this magnificent institute..
general knowledge people..we all knew it's friggin' important knowledges are..especially at this kind of century... you guys don't know how i hard me,..especially my beloved family to seek chance like this..it's linked to a case where i'm not fit to get a bumiputera specialities,..how dare them!(the governmet..*huuu)
thus..the hardships were undeniable..but lets not write about those silly silly things shall we..?
but here are the deeds that i'm too fuckin' lazy to elaborate...

Venue : Putra University Malaysia
Course : Foundation in Agricultural Science
 Date - 7th May 2012 till 2013 'graduate'
Orientation : wanted to become MTM (Student Senate Comm.)..soon~
Subjects : mostlly science but there's extra one sub that gempak giler
That Extra One : Agriculture...in short,what i thought about plants before this...about being a farmers..it changed..from (-) to (+)
Seniors : Irrelevant
Lecturer : Not Bad
Lecture mate : Awesome =family bond working=
Room : Satisfied..homey
Room mate : Fantastic [asyiqa-nasyid,nadiah-P.Y.T.,tijad-blurry eyes,syafiq-saba ba,famy-3rd dimensional]
Food : TxT...mammmaaa!!nak tempoyak!!
Hygiene : rank-WTF!
Books : I could have 7 dozens of gempak starz comics by now..the price was excruciating
Fish Flats : true rendezvous indeed
what else~?oh..pictures..haha!

(we call ourselves kuliah mates...10/10..score till the end...i miss dat)

p/s;- like i said..this is just the beginning...waiting starts now~




Sunday, April 29, 2012

Awesomeness

who's the geek now huh?

Thursday, April 26, 2012

No Card

A very predictable thing happened today..which would probably made to the Malaysian Guiness Book of Record...imagine that!
I actually cooked...a freaking dish called 'Gulai Pisang'
result : It turns out just as I imagined..

only the 'fire' was not in the lungs...it's in the stomach
I imagine...if the 'gulai' was edible..my mom would be very proud of me...but now..she's just...proud..only~
well..my intention of doing this cause my mom's B day..this mind is blank..
do not know what else to do for her...
and I just thought,,she cooked a lot for me,so..why not I too,cook at least one dish..just make her happy?
it was disastrous..*sigh
but the climax of today stories was...my mother had a sudden fever..
this knocked the breath out of me...how come?she was everything a mother could be...she don't fucking deserve any of this..-end of sad moment-
Year 2012...my mom had simple birthday celebration..just cakes(which mostly ate by me)..and one day MC from the doctor..took a chill pill on friday...
when I went outing with CEVD two days before...I bought a card just in case I couldn't come with something to cheer my mom up...but..just that..she had fever,took care of her..no words to write in that card,for a day my mom was born..day of heaven and miracle for me..~especially me...
my ink pen gone...I only thought of her pain..

p/s : so..no card this year

Monday, April 23, 2012

Mother Indeed

my mother ~ is a WONDERWOMAN...

 
just an illustration...not really my mom..{i noe u noe dat :p]

Being a good daughter was never my accomplished task I had on my to-do list...it's simple but complicated...
But seriously fella...what is so hard of being a loving children..PARENT had done so many we could never imagine...until,..of course when we become one ourself...[then you know lah weyh!how was it]
what mother had done today had really touched my heart...
but that's the point...she had done so many wonderful things for me - I lost count...-
today was one of it... 
me was fasting today...makruh fasting to be exact [cause I sleep A LOT]...I didn't do any home chores to day..at all..like ;-
#opening windows upstairs...[to allow 'rezqi' inside the house as she said]
#feed the cats..poor the thing meow meowing
#wash the dishes - f.y.i. my mom really hates that when there dirty dishes piled in the sink

so yeah..~I'm a terrible fast-er and daughter..
when Maghreb's near...I'd ready with dates in front of me...my mom called ----
mom : assalamulaykum..noain
me : yes..waalaykumsalam ma...
mom : what do you want for break-fast?
me : I don't know..just buy anything..not rice..no KFC or McD watsoever
mom : I don't what do you want to eat..really...I'm on my way to Jusco right now...just tell  me what do you want...
( 2 minutes of debating back and forth on what to eat...)
me : okay mom!just buy that..urmm....mac and cheese..*sigh
mom : there..not so hard right?ok then..bye

Not so hard?..I KNOW Secret Recipe is one the most expensive restaurant...I was considering my fast was 'makruh'(cause of the sleep thing)..and that I did not do any house chores..make me feel like...like a umm...oh yeah!...
A SCHMUCK ~ let me highlight that..
so..story ending..I got my mac and cheese..eat it with guilt feeling holing in my chest...and ate my medicine..

[cause I'm sick of myself]


Sunday, April 22, 2012

C.E.V.D.

never wrote about them..since that particular post...so~this is me and my chickas at present~

hangout at Jusco a.k.a. Aeon(eewww..)

promoting the famous Malaysia fat cakes - Apollo 21

our gang mark...forever cool!

Pilgrim To Homeland

- so bright! -

 
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